tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7153163242529146660.post6342482139566387215..comments2023-07-29T14:34:41.305+01:00Comments on Eating disorders in boys: my teenage son's recovery from anorexia.: Like pushing you-know-what uphill...Bev Mattocks Osbornehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353718855920959097noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7153163242529146660.post-59580802749624025142013-01-20T18:07:46.770+00:002013-01-20T18:07:46.770+00:00Hi Lisa, Thanks so much for replying. I agree with...Hi Lisa, Thanks so much for replying. I agree with what you say. Thanks for pointing this out. I will give it a go! Things are much better today. xxBev Mattocks Osbornehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02353718855920959097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7153163242529146660.post-42343280891838545922013-01-20T01:23:29.734+00:002013-01-20T01:23:29.734+00:00Hi Batty, Lisa again. I wonder if university is so...Hi Batty, Lisa again. I wonder if university is soon enough. It sounds like Ben needs help THIS WEEK with eating enough to gain the weight you see that he needs. Is there any leverage you might have that is more immediate? I know you're tired, and if you need a break, take the break and then come back stronger. But once you're ready to fight again, I can't see the use of waiting a few months. Is there anything you provide as parents that he counts on, and that you could tell him is not available if he does not gain the 2 kgs or whatever he needs within a week or 2 weeks? My daughter (much younger at 14) does well with immediate consequences. She has something she desperately wants to do this summer, but I know it's not soon enough to use as leverage because she's not capable to doing something today for a goal that is so far away. <br /><br />I am so sorry that you were not able to get the full on Maudsley support that was needed. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7153163242529146660.post-38786877204312252432013-01-19T16:35:30.730+00:002013-01-19T16:35:30.730+00:00Yes, Cathy and Lisa, I think the leverage will be ...Yes, Cathy and Lisa, I think the leverage will be university. This is something we will be deciding within the next few months. I have already built weight increase into the new 2013 contract. But to be truthful I am sooooooo tempted just to take a bit of time out and let him get on with it...Bev Mattocks Osbornehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02353718855920959097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7153163242529146660.post-30073286994816944212013-01-19T14:18:33.126+00:002013-01-19T14:18:33.126+00:00Hi Batty, it's Lisa R/Breathingmom. I'm wo...Hi Batty, it's Lisa R/Breathingmom. I'm wondering if, since you've done everything humanly possible to make Ben understand the need for more weight, perhaps now it's time to use your leverage as a parent? You've been a beautiful dolphin (and you're now a very tired dolphin.) I know you've worked with contracts. Would it help to have a mini-contract that says his weight needs to be up x amount in x period of time (a relatively short period of time) OR y happens. Is there something important to him that could be at stake? What do you think?<br /><br />Cathy's comments above sound right on target. The mental torture/anxiety about food WILL lessen for Ben if he has enough of it. But since he's in the grip of that disordered thinking, he can't make himself do it. Is there a way you can set things up so that he HAS to? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7153163242529146660.post-1008123508243045192013-01-19T14:10:34.430+00:002013-01-19T14:10:34.430+00:00It doesn't go in because he is so fearful. Eve...It doesn't go in because he is so fearful. Even if he understands this logically, he still gets a fear response at the thought of eating more, or when he does eat more. <br /><br />My own situation has been very different. I didn't fear weight gain but I feared food itself - for various reasons. Most recently my fear has related to a fear of contamination and a fear that someone may have touched the food with dirty hands, or that the food is out of date etc. Unlike Ben, I have never feared becoming obese. Even so, I have had Big Fear Responses to the thought of eating and to eating per se, even though I recognise that these fears are illogical.<br /><br />The only way to deal with this is to eat the food and see what happens. Once we observe that we don't get sick (my fear) from eating, or 'fat' (Ben's fear), then the anxiety levels fall. <br /><br />Much of our brain functions unconsciously. Perhaps Ben has some unconscious fear that if he gains weight that he will not be the sort of person he feels he should be? (I don't think this is uncommon in AN...). When you have those fears, the AN serves as some sort of unconscious excuse - to yourself. You can blame things on the AN...<br /><br />Sorry this is so difficult for you :( xx Cathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13783888938711953332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7153163242529146660.post-83628581921312030642013-01-19T13:48:27.744+00:002013-01-19T13:48:27.744+00:00Oh yes, Cathy, I have told him this... so did U......Oh yes, Cathy, I have told him this... so did U... but it's just not going in...Bev Mattocks Osbornehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02353718855920959097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7153163242529146660.post-32586758929199718172013-01-19T13:46:12.780+00:002013-01-19T13:46:12.780+00:00Batty, it's Cathy Z.
Has anyone told your so...Batty, it's Cathy Z. <br /><br />Has anyone told your son that the reason why he is terrified of his weight spiralling out of control is because he is underweight relative to his 'set-point' weight and (to put it simply) his brain is instructing him to eat more? He is craving food (hence the fixation on it, the cooking to enjoy food vicariously etc.) because his body needs more of it. <br /><br />This is a Normal Physiological Response! It is not a sign that he is an inherently greedy person. <br /><br />Once he reaches his body's 'set-point' weight (i.e. the weight that is appropriate for him and at which all his organs function optimally) he will no longer crave food in the same way. He may still enjoy food (most people do..), but he will need more food to maintain that extra weight gain that equates to a weight that is healthy for him. At his healthy higher weight he will need more food on a daily basis; not less.<br /><br />The food cravings are not a sign of 'greediness', but a NORMAL physiological signal to consume more food energy. Cathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13783888938711953332noreply@blogger.com