I am still gently pushing for extra weight gain so Ben has a 'buffer zone' should he be prevented from eating his 2400-2500 daily calories for whatever reason (e.g. 'freshers flu' at uni, etc) - and also because I really, really want him to get back to the size he was before the eating disorder hit. Yet Ben is less than enthusiastic...
These last few kilos are never easy and there is the temptation to say "OK, you've done well, that's good enough" etc. But why settle for 'good enough' when you can have 'excellent'? Also why settle for anything that could put him at risk of a relapse, should his weight drop significantly for any reason?
But getting him to buy into the idea is proving very hard. And I feel incredibly frustrated at the little bit of the ED that is obviously still present, making him scared of weighing a little more, making him feel "fine" as he is and kidding him that he is bigger than he actually is.
"If you think I'M thin, mum...." he said the other day, referring to some bloke on the telly who was slim, but not as slim as he is. But he couldn't see that.
Every time we go to CAMHS we plan what Ben will do, calories-wise, depending on the scales outcome. I am trying to push for increased calories if his weight is maintaining, without success.
Sure, I could sneak extra calories into meals. But that would result in him cutting back when he finds his weight has gone up, so it's counter productive.