I so, so, so want to find a girlfriend for my son!!!

One of the casualties of my son Ben's eating disorder was his relationship with girls, indeed his relationship with anyone for that matter. Ben's long struggle with anorexia resulted in complete social isolation for a number of years. The good news is that, following his recovery from anorexia, he has rebuilt his social life very impressively both at home and at university. The trouble is that these friendship circles (and clubs) are almost exclusively male (sci-fi, fantasy nerdy societies like tabletop war games and dungeon and dragons style role playing). As a result Ben has little to no contact with girls. And, because he doesn't drink, he doesn't go out socially to places where he might meet girls e.g. pubs and clubs.

"Eating difficulties"... You mean like fussy kids who won't eat their vegetables?

On Friday I got a letter from my PTSD therapist saying that she was sorry I'd "felt unable to continue with the session [on Wednesday]". It also refers to the "trauma and stress associated with Ben's experience of eating difficulties"... Eating difficulties? It makes it sound oh so simplistic. Like fussy kids who won't eat their vegetables.

Naming my inner critic

Back in the mid-1980s I was PA to a very unpleasant gentleman who I will call Mr McNasty. Mr McNasty was a bully, a control freak and a misogynist. He ran a department full of women and even his second-in-command was afraid of him. Mr McNasty told me that I'd "never be anything but a lowly secretary". Okay, I pledged on that day, I'll show him. By the end of the decade I was a senior copywriter in a large advertising agency.

Calling all Scottish parents and carers - don't miss the SEDIG carers' conference in March!

It's the annual SEDIG (SCOTTISH EATING DISORDERS INTEREST GROUP) carers' conference on Saturday 4th March 2017 in Edinburgh. Keynote speaker is Gill Todd talking about Motivational Interviewing and doing a workshop. Find out more and book a place here.

I did a talk at last year's conference and it's well worth coming along - and it's not too costly either. Gill Todd is amazing - I've met her on a couple of occasions. Such a nice person, and excellent at what she does.

If you're not recovered within a set time then - ping! - out you go!

I had the mothers (plural) of all nightmares (plural) last night. The theme was generally along the lines of being left in the lurch at the 11th hour without warning. Hmn, I wonder where that came from...

After the Christmas PTSD difficulties, I told my therapist how worried I was that I'd be discharged before I fully recovered; I was aware that NHS mental health treatment isn't infinite. She reassured me. She also reassured me that the EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy would fix the PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and that I would recover.

Classic flight or fight - which did I do?

Today my PTSD therapist greeted me with "I'm afraid we've only got 3 sessions left; we've had 17 and it's been limited to 20 in total. Actually, they're just about to cut it to 16 sessions max, NHS funding cuts and all that, so you've been lucky!" So, I replied, that means that in a couple of weeks I'm going to be thrown out to fend for myself? "Well, there are other options..." You mean going private, I said, I can't afford it; I'm not able to work at the moment because of the PTSD...

Remembering wonderful Charlotte Bevan...

This month marks the 3rd anniversary of the death in 2014 of one of the most loving, caring, energetic and strong women in the world of eating disorder support - Charlotte Bevan, the mother of a teen eating disorder survivor. The best way I can describe Charlotte is to re-post my blog from the 13th January 2014, so here it is: Boadicea in her chariot, guns a-blazing in the fight against eating disorders and poor treatment...

Why weight restoration in eating disorder treatment must come first - and why I agree with Dr Julie O'Toole on the fact

In her last blog post for 2016, Dr Julie O'Toole of the Oregon-based Kartini Clinic reminds us 'Why Weight Restoration in Eating Disorder Treatment Must Come First' and why this fact isn't exactly rocket science - yet many people continue to overlook it. As she says: So why the heck do people seem so impervious to the message that without weight restoration you get nothing? And I do mean nothing: no physical recovery AND no psychological recovery. Remember: psychological recovery is about the brain. The brain is an organ of the body; like all other organs it needs fuel to replace broken or used-up cells, and for functioning cells to communicate with each other. Starvation is as bad for children and for any other living thing. This takes no great leap of intellect: you can’t become psychologically normal in a state of malnutrition. You don’t (or shouldn't) need access to all “latest science” to know this. What happens when you starve any other mammal? Think about it. Why the resistance to this simple message?

Looking back, what do I wish I'd done differently?

Oh gosh, that's a massive question... I know what I wish our GPs and CAMHS had done differently when assessing and treating my teenage son for anorexia - but me?

The first thing that comes to mind is that I wish I'd been more forceful - both in my interactions with the medical profession and with my son.

A short sabbatical to 'self soothe' and get myself on the road to recovery from PTSD

Well, 2017 was supposed to herald my return to work (self-employed) but I took one look at my computer keyboard and went into a panic (damn that PTSD). Nevertheless I made the decision to plough on with that huge and immensely helpful book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Dr Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world's foremost experts on trauma / Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. (This link summarises the book well.) Dr vdK also talks about yoga as an evidence-proven method of helping PTSD sufferers to recover. So I'm planning to do some yoga very soon. Next week, with any luck.

More on the importance of finding a safe place, whether real or imagined

Throughout the months and years when I was battling with my son's anorexia and the accompanying mood volatility and violence, I found myself naturally seeking a Safe Place: somewhere I could escape in order to briefly to calm down, catch my breath and gather my thoughts - or to help me get to sleep at night. Sometimes these places were real, other times they were imagined. But they did  help when things became intolerable and overwhelming.

Want to discover why trauma affects us in the way it does and how to get through it?

I am still reading the substantial but incredibly informative and helpful book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk who is one of the world's foremost authorities on trauma and recovery. Really and truly if you want a proper understanding of the effects that trauma has on the mind and body, and techniques and treatments that may help you to recover from traumatic memories, I'd say this is the #1 'bible' on the subject.

When your home stops being a safe place to be

When my son was plummeting into anorexia during the autumn and winter of 2009 and spring and summer of 2010, I reached my lowest point as a mother. Up to 2009, our home had been a safe haven from the world 'out there' - stuff like work, crime, bad news, even rude people in the supermarket and all those other things that irritate you in life. 'Shutting up shop' for Christmas on the 23rd December, my husband's and son's birthdays, was like shutting out the outside world and sinking into a warm scented bath tub of safety and security.