Gradually coming back down to earth...

The past two weeks have been a complete blur of paperwork, bills, solicitors, funeral, work, university visits, sorting out Dad's belongings, helping mum, etc etc and I am well and truly exhausted!!!! Meanwhile Ben spent Thursday afternoon being interviewed by a researcher from Oxford University for this project. I will let you know when it goes live.

A hell of a week...

Apologies for being AWOL for a week or so. Last Saturday at 3.15 in the morning I got a phone call from the hospital to say my dad had just passed away. As a result, this week, as you can imagine, has been a hell of a time: supporting my mum (after breaking the news to her), organising the funeral, sorting out official paperwork and all the other paperwork, cancelling / postponing all my paid work, taking Ben for history dept open day at Sheffield Uni on Wed followed by CAMHS on Thurs - followed by Ben deciding he was 'too sick' to go away with the young people from church this weekend, a trip that would have done him the world of good socially.

"I'm happy to settle for 'good enough'"

... said the psychiatrist at CAMHS yesterday afternoon. Ben's mood was very low and he was extremely anxious. He admitted to being tempted to give in to the ED thoughts. "My mum told me that when I was recovered I'd feel better emotionally", he said with an accusing look, going on to imply that - because he felt cr*p - he might as well give in to the eating disorder. After all, he felt 'safe' there.

"I'm fine as I am!"

I am still gently pushing for extra weight gain so Ben has a 'buffer zone' should he be prevented from eating his 2400-2500 daily calories for whatever reason (e.g. 'freshers flu' at uni, etc) - and also because I really, really want him to get back to the size he was before the eating disorder hit. Yet Ben is less than enthusiastic...

Will he, won't he, will he, won't he, will he join the party?

Already he's "feeling tired" and asking me if I wouldn't much rather he stayed home to save me having to drive out at goodness only knows what hour to pick him up from the club in town where C is having her 18th birthday party.

I've just read two really powerful blog posts

The first is this one, from Laura Collins, founder of FEAST and author of this book. The other is from Carrie Arnold, former anorexia sufferer and author of this book.