Tuesday 15 May 2012

Something she wrote when Ben was going through a bad patch

What with work, my dad's illness and death, my mum, school and Ben's eating disorder, I didn't get to see my friend as much as I would have liked to. Also, because of her cancer we couldn't always go out and do things that 'normal' friends would do. So most of the time we just sat in her living room, talking. And, in the days when she could still walk a mile or so, she'd come round here with her sweet little Shih Tzu dog, Benji.

So the rest of the time we'd talk over the phone or by email. And she, and later her husband, would send round updates following the latest visit to the Oncologist or hospital.

Going through these emails I found something she wrote to me at the height of Ben's anorexia. It might have been Ben's 'suicidal' period when my H was working away and I was left feeling pretty helpless and desperate in the house, alone with Ben and the eating disorder that was trying to destroy him. She made me promise to phone her, no matter what time of day or night, if Ben's self-harming threats got too extreme - and they'd rush round to help.
Please be assured of my thoughts and prayers and, if there is anything at all I can do or if you just need someone to talk to, at any time, please do not hesitate to phone me. I really want to support you in prayer and in action as you walk this difficult journey. Please never think that your stress is any less than mine, it is different. I am sure that it must be really difficult for you, as a mother, watching your child go through these struggles. Always remember, even when you are angry and feel that you have failed Ben, that you are the right mum for him as God blessed you with him and him with you. Despite our failings God is faithful and continues to use us.
But I do feel so wretched for not being around to support her more - especially as our problems got less acute and her cancer got worse, so much so that she had to have her beloved little dog Benji adopted by another family that was more able to take care of him.

Her funeral is in 10 days' time because her son needs to get over from the States and her daughter from London.

I still haven't heard from her H, but I did get an email from their church. And this morning I posted a card through their letterbox along with a note to her husband.


  1. Its always hard when a close friend dies and its natural to have the guilt of 'why didnt i do more?'
    Unfortunately we all have our lives to lead and its obvious she was aware of your problems at home. Even with Ben improving you still needed to focus on yourself and your family, she would have realised that. xxx