I think it's because my new book Please eat... has taken up so much of my time, energy and emotions over the past 18 months that now it's "out there" and published, I feel kind of weird... And I guess this feeling isn't unique to me. Also, I've nurtured every word, sentence, paragraph and chapter so very carefully over the past 18 months, that sending my "baby" into the Big Wide World is a real wrench. And, of course, I am worried that no-one will buy it or be interested in our story...
But I guess that publishing it is the easy bit. Now comes the difficult task of promoting it and raising awareness that it is "out there" now.
However, with something as personal as this, there's part of me that doesn't want to promote it at all. That almost wants to claw it back and remove it from Amazon.
Which is strange, all things considered...
And it's this feeling that I'm trying to get my head around today. This curious feeling of Post Publication Blues... The awareness that it's been a labour of love - of blood, sweat and tears - yet it's so very, very personal and private. And the first two thirds of my book makes pretty difficult reading as it describes the hell we were going through as a family descending into, and then dealing with, anorexia.
But of course it does. It has to. This isn't the kind of light, throw-away paperback you might take to the beach.
As Gill Todd (RMN MSc, former Clinical Nurse Leader at the Gerald Russell Eating Disorders Unit, Bethlem & Maudsley Hospitals, London) said when she reviewed it: "This is a wonderful book. It's quite hard to read because the story is so painful, but easy to read because of the clarity and simplicity of style."
It was quite hard to write, too. For Ben as well as me who, as you will know, contributed his own bits and pieces to the book.
And now that Please eat... is "out there", it's quite difficult to come to terms with. Even though I've been writing mega personal stuff in this blog for 27 months. Even though the first 6 chapters of my book have been "out there" on the Net for anyone to read in order to get a taster of the content.
So it really shouldn't be such a Big Deal for me, should it?
Strange feeling, this...