More from that first ATDT post seeking support and advice from other parents

From the very first moment I posted on the Around The Dinner Table Forum in March 2009 I realised I'd found the support I'd been craving for so many, many months. After feeling completely alone and isolated in having to deal with a teenage child with an eating disorder, I finally felt that I was amongst friends. True friends. Real, caring parents who 'got' what it was like to live with an eating disorder in the home 24.7.365. I am posting some of these threads here in the hope that they may help other parents who've just embarked on this nightmarish journey, show them that they are not alone and lead them to the support they need on this wonderful forum. Here is the rest of that first cry for help on 9th March 2009, edited slightly for length:

Again, thanks everyone... you are amazing...

I would appreciate some 'stock answers' to certain situations (from your bank of wisdom and experience). Here are just 5 of the many...

1. "Pokey / proddy" situations (as we call them here!) - insisting that his belly is getting flabby, that he's getting a double chin, etc etc.

2. "I refuse to eat that full-fat yogurt / milk / cheese" etc plus how do you keep a 16-year old out of the fridge / kitchen in a very small house? (PS Decanting stuff into unlabelled bottles would immediately arouse suspicion.)

3. Flying off the handle at meals resulting in downing knife and fork, rushing out of the room, screaming, shouting and banging head against wall.

4. Situations when the meal isn't "perfect" so he flies off the handle again.

5. Brow-beating into switching snack options, etc - my choice is never the "right one".

Aaaaggghhhh!!!!!

And...

We had another meltdown last night with my son bashing his fist on the plate so that all the food went everywhere followed by 5ft 3 inches me trying to physically restrain all 5ft 11 inches of him from breaking down the door and flying out into the street, me confiscating the house keys and physically barring the living room doorway... (It's just the two of us in the house; my husband doesn't get back until late evening as he commutes 100 miles to work and back.)

This afternoon we have a brief session at CAMHS for a weigh-in with the nurse. As you know, the psych is on holiday and we don't see her for another fortnight, not having seen her for the previous fortnight (4 weeks without the psych in total... and the nurse will be on hol next week, so we're on our own completely from this evening). All we get when we voice our concerns to the nurse is the infuriating nodding of her head sympathetically - you know, that kind of counselling where they just agree with you rather than taking proper action. Basically she has said she has to go with the psych's decision on everything... and at the last count the psych felt fortnightly sessions would be appropriate now rather than weekly (!!!!!!!!) now that he's come just within the 'healthy' weight range.

I can't for the life of me see how an hour's CBT-ish session with the psych every so often will cure our son of this terrible eating disorder. I feel as if we're stuck with it forever, not knowing if we're getting the right kind of help or not... I have NO IDEA if we're getting the help we need or not, I really don't, and there doesn't seem to be any way I can gauge whether or not we are...

And...

You guys are wonderful... thanks for taking the time to reply to my messages...

I find it hard (impossible) to understand how the change will take place - from the iron grip of anorexia and the depression / distorted thinking / behaviour that goes with it... to normal eating / thinking / behaviour. How does it change?

(Visions of this being like those anorexics that suffer for YEARS, well into their 20s and beyond...)

And...

Hi everyone again, I love coming back to this website after a few hours away and finding some lovely, reassuring advice to read through; it's so kind of you to share your experiences with me, all different of course. But this is great because it helps me to weigh things up and look at the bigger picture. I read everything through very carefully and really appreciate your input!

The latest situation is that we had a weigh-in yesterday and my son had put on 0.3kg (11 ounces) which the nurse rightly said was really neither here nor there i.e. really just maintaining weight. But of course my son thinks he's put on a serious amount of weight and is therefore fighting the daily calorie total because he feels he should be cutting down, not staying with the same calories. He wrongly thinks he has achieved his target weight (although it's unclear exactly what CAMHS think this should be...). He is now just scraping into the "safe BMI" range, although he still looks very thin. But the eating disorder is there, stronger than ever, of course, as my son is convinced he's ballooning out into a huge fat flabby monster, pinching the skin on his abs to "prove" it.

All those good intentions yesterday promised and agreed when we were shaken up by the fact my stressed-out husband was nearly killed in a road accident (he wasn't concentrating, he was so worried about our son), seem to have evaporated. It's exactly the same as in February when we thought our son had had a wake up call when he was hooked up to a cardio machine in hospital for 24 hrs after the abnormally low heart rate scare... It's as if it never happened... The eating disorder is like a magician that makes these "wake up call" situations disappear in a puff of smoke.

Two weeks to go until we see the dietitian and psych again...

Oh, and H has just discovered that he's going to have to work away during the week (250 miles away) soon so it'll just be me, my son and the eating disorder battling away on our own Monday to Friday and I feel so stressed-out and panic-stricken at the prospect that I don't know what to do. The only local support I have is my sister and my 83-year old mum (who I don't want to stress out).

Meanwhile our son is trying to study for his GCSEs at home (we gave up school a few weeks ago and now pick up homework every Monday, and he will be sitting his exams in private in June). Goodness knows whether he'll make the sixth form or not in September...

Me, I work from home, but it's really just ticking over as I can't do any more. Fortunately I can still almost afford the cleaner for two hours a week to keep the spiders at bay... but am spending a fortune on food shopping like you do with this illness (funny that, isn't it, considering...) But I am spending zero on clothes, hair cuts, etc - so that has to be good... except I look a total mess and have aged a ton over the last year but who cares as we never really go out anywhere nice with an eating disorder in the house...

My son and I have our little chats which seem to go so well, but then the eating disorder 'demon' comes back and ruins it all...

If nothing else, I will be an expert on eating disorders by the end of this and hopefully a better, stronger person, mentally as well as physically with all that restraining I have to do when he kicks off...

A huge thanks again to you all... my lifeline!!!