Friday 25 January 2019

Because I'm still being triggered, 'further therapy' has been felt to be inappropriate...

Hang on a mo, NHS... Let's see if I've got this right from the letter I've received this morning... Because I still have most of the Complex (or Chronic) Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) symptoms, despite having had 'three full sessions of therapy' over the years, yet I still 'feel the same', and because I still get 'triggered by Ben' (not his fault, just that certain noises, actions, etc trigger me because I have C-PTSD as a result of the years spent battling with his anorexia and, ironically, the NHS), NHS mental health services do 'not feel further therapy would be helpful at this point' and are therefore 'discharging [me] from the service'.

Er... NHS... I'm being TRIGGERED because being TRIGGERED into flashbacks is a primary symptom of both PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and C-PTSD? 

Past therapy has been partly effective but there's still a lot of work to do, after all this is C-PTSD, but it almost implies that I didn't recover fast enough? Or didn't engage with trauma therapy?

In the letter (a cc copy of a letter sent to my GP), they do understand some of the problems I have been experiencing experiencing, but they also say the above which is kind of weird...

It's absolutely BARKING MAD that they are discharging me because they feel further therapy wouldn't be helpful because I am still being triggered into flashback-mode!

An example would be if Ben suddenly cries out from his room - e.g. if he's scored in a computer game - or crashes around - e.g. crashing downstairs to answer the door to a friend - my mind flips me back to the many, many times when such sounds heralded an all-too-different result as his eating disorder forced him to bang his head against a wall or howl like a wild animal.

I get triggered.

And it's horrible.

It's not Ben's fault and I can't expect a young man to creep around the house in silence, treading on eggshells in case he triggers flashbacks.

Or for him to disappear out of my life because he - or, more accurately, his former illness: anorexia - risks triggering these flashbacks.

Because, let's face it, flashbacks are what you get when you have a trauma-related condition like PTSD or C-PTSD. It is a SYMPTOM, goddammit!! It's the first thing that people think about when talking about PTSD.

Yet the NHS don't feel that any further treatment would be 'helpful' to me 'at this point' BECAUSE I AM GETTING TRIGGERED into flashbacks!!

A bit revolving-doors-like, that is. Catch 22 and all that...

So tough luck, I'm spat out of the system and left to fend for myself. They say that 'it may be that [I] would benefit from a more explorative approach for example psychodynamic therapy once [my] son leaves home'. (In other words, when I'm not being triggered - but, oh! - I would still have him in my life for god's sake, he's my son and he can't help being a trigger, poor soul!!!) 

For now they suggest I might consider self-referring to the charity MIND or a counselling service.

I don't need counselling, counselling doesn't do any good, I need evidence-based treatment for C-PTSD for gods sake!

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