I've been blogging and it's been difficult (because of the C-PTSD which tends to make me panic at the prospect of doing 'big things' and retreat), but I've made myself do it. Taking a tip from the Recovery Contract which my son and I did to help him through the final years of his eating disorder, I've drawn up a list of challenges and am rewarding myself every time I do one of them. £1 goes into my piggy bank to go towards a self-soothe activity, probably a fully-body massage.
I'm not overloading myself. I'm taking it slowly and gently, pulling back whenever I get the 'too big' anxiety warning signs. Whether or not it will work, I don't know. But it's worth trying.
I'm also reading up on Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, although their appears to be precious little out there, especially in print. Recognition and understanding of this common issue seems to be very much in its infancy.
But, then, it's only 20 years or so since civilian understanding of and treatment for PTSD was rolled out in the UK with the military variety was only rolled out a decade earlier.
I am keen to fix this thing. After all, it's been going on for so long - at least two years, in varying degrees with a long list of different therapies, none of which have worked but which have given me a big insight into techniques that may help me through a panic attack or whatever. Techniques like Mindfulness and CBT. Or Psychotherapy. In my experience, these techniques are a way of managing the symptoms on a short-term basis. They are not a cure. And sometimes it's easier just to pop another Beta-Blocker pill instead!
It's frustrating that I don't seem to be able to fix this for myself i.e. I need professional help. But I am fortunate enough to be receiving free 'secondary' NHS care with my EMDR therapist (next appointment tomorrow). And to have some good friends who 'get it' and always try to help.
You know me... always wanting to fix things, to find a solution where other solutions have failed. My son's eating disorder was a prime example.
And now I need to fix my own issues.
But I am aware that I need to do this gently.
So that's enough blogging for today.