Does your own internal voice chip in with this kind of thing on 'bad' days?

On Friday Ben claimed his insomnia was 'cured', after a reasonably good couple of days at school. His mood was up, too. But by Sunday it was back down again, just like last Sunday. And of course with it came the insomnia which meant that by this morning (Monday) Ben was in a hell of a mood. In fact the only words he said to me this morning as I took him to the school bus were "Shut up!" Better than "Shut the Eff up!" I guess...


As a parent, you never do get used to the ED treating you like a piece of dirt, do you? OK, this kind of behaviour isn't exclusive to ED teenagers; virtually all teenagers are truly horrible to their parents at one time or other. But when ED, the Eating Disorder, is involved it's a heck of a lot worse because you're painfully aware of just how much time and love you've invested in kicking the ED out of your child's life only to get verbally slapped in the face.

And it's not just that... At times like this all those worries surface again which is your own internal voice telling you that there is still quite a way to go in the recovery stakes. This morning, my internal voice has been saying: "No way is he going to university next year; he wouldn't last five minutes!", "What the heck do I do now; after all we spent 3 whole hours last week talking through the school problems and we're back to Square One", "It's because his weight hasn't increased at all over the past month - and never forget he is STILL lighter than he was when he first started CAMHS treatment in February 2010... why oh why oh why, Batty, don't you muscle in and MAKE him eat more?", "What the heck is he going to do next year if he DOESN'T go to uni?", "Why, in our THIRD year of the eating disorder does he STILL worry himself sick that eating a few extra calories will make him blob out into a fat monster?" and - finally - "You've failed. You're into your third year now and you're still battling with the eating disorder. Let's face it, you're still going to be battling with it 6, 7, 9, 10, 15 years from now. Ben will never leave home, never have a family of his own, never achieve his potential..." blah blah blah blah...

Does your own internal voice chip in with this kind of thing on 'bad' days? 

And I will be extremely surprised if I don't get an email or text from Ben before lunchtime today saying this morning is "very difficult" and / or can I come and pick him up?

Because we had a similar scenario this time last week, there is the temptation to worry that we're back into the 'usual' routine i.e. Ben's mood is rock bottom all day Sunday followed by a sleepless night followed by a pain-in-the-butt mood on Monday morning followed by miserable isolation at school followed by me having to pick him up early followed by some kind of solitary activity in the afternoon. Tuesday is similar, but by Wednesday things generally improve.

Then the whole merry-go-round starts again at the weekend...

PS He called at break time and asked me to pick him up at 12.20, saying the afternoon's teacher "isn't here and I've done all the work for the lesson, anyway". Not sure I believe him...