Tuesday 24 January 2012

Like a red rag to a bull...

If there's one thing that gets Batty's blood boiling it's this...

The remark: "That's the trouble with you - you're doing it all wrong" from my 'other half' when I tried to explain (picking my moment, of course, five minutes before he was about to leave for the office) that Ben's social problems are going from bad to worse. And that these problems mean he is struggling with ED thoughts and is really down in the dumps. And this is why I need to keep a close eye on him because the last thing I want is a relapse.

So, at 7.15 this morning, the red rag was produced in front of the bull: "You are doing it all wrong".

For months and months at the height of Ben's anorexia it was me that cared for him 5 or even 6 days a week because Ben's dad was working away. Because of his job, my H has only ever been able to attend a handful of CAMHS sessions so I've had to deal with those too - and take the flack afterwards when ED raged.

Over the past 2.5 years it has been me that's done all the research into eating disorders, read all the books, talked to all the people, been on the forums and been in the firing line when the ED made it impossible for Ben to be in school or sent Ben crazy, not forgetting the suicidal phase in summer 2010.

It's been me that's met with his teachers, me that's 'walked and talked' with Ben for many an afternoon, trying to make an inroad into his ill mind, me that adopted the Recovery Contract for us which has proved so successful, me that's had to give up a promising career, me that's sorted out all the Disrupted Studies stuff for university, me that has to drive the 20 mile round trip to pick up Ben from school every day because he still can't last the day... and so on and so forth...

For the past year Ben's dad has been working locally. However he's been working long hours, often 7 days a week late into the evenings. He isn't aware of half the stuff that's been going on recently, or even less recently, because we simply don't get time to talk.

And when we do, it's the wrong moment. Like five minutes before he leaves for work - or when he's exhausted after another 12 hour day.

So this morning Batty the Bull retorted with: "Well if you think I'm doing it all wrong and you can do better, you're welcome to take over!"

Not the best response, really. 

Along the way, our 'conversation' was peppered with remarks about me "throwing my money away" by sending him to university. "It's a complete waste of time," he said, "Ben will be back home within the year and you'll have thrown nine grand down the drain. I'm telling you it's a total waste of time."

"OK, so you tell him he's not going to university, then!" I said, like you do in these pear-shaped situations... "You sort out something else for him to do."

So not a good start to today which follows a Bad Day yesterday as Ben was in a foul mood in the middle of exams (which he has possibly flunked) and his social life goes from bad to worse.


  1. Oh dear! I can see why that would enrage you so much, I think most people would respond in the same way to a comment like that. Just wanted to leave you a hug anyway.