Am I still angry with the church about the way they failed to embrace Ben when he was crying out for friendship and support last year? Do I still feel the bitterness I felt in March when I wrote this blog entry explaining why I felt the church had let him down?
Thankfully Ben has come on leaps and bounds since then without the support of the church. And, despite a brief period of announcing he no longer believed in God, he does still has a "faith". He still believes in God. In fact he says if it wasn't for his faith he wouldn't be here today. In other words, he might have taken his own life. Seriously.
Yet, for the past 8 months or so he has come to the conclusion that he may never find the support he needs in the church. In a way "the church" and his "faith" aren't one and the same thing. He remains incredibly disillusioned. And I remain incredibly sad that the church failed to take action and give Ben the love and support he so desperately craved from them. And disillusioned, too. Disillusioned enough to have no desire to return to church. That church or any church. Because I felt the previous church let us down, too. Or let me down, should I say, because - back then, at the time when Ben was disappearing down the rabbit hole at a rate of knots - it was me that so desperately craved friendship and support.
The other day the pastor left a voicemail message asking how Ben and I are getting along. He has no idea we feel the way we do. And I haven't heard from him since my dear friend S's funeral back in May.
So I've arranged to meet with him and will be there in an hour from how.
What I am going to say at this meeting I have no idea. I just want to explain why we haven't been there for so long, but I want to do it in a nice way, not in a bitter and twisted way.
But I really think he should know.
Watch this space to find out how I get on...