Night of the Negative Vibes...

We didn't get 'the phone call' until 6pm, but immediately I recognised the tone... Exactly like last year... Ben rock bottom and in tears, with a small voice with short "Mmn"s every so often... He couldn't be bothered to go out to the event at the Union "because it will probably be sh*t". He had "nothing in common with his flatmates", those he's seen. "Two of them keep themselves to themselves with their room doors shut." He hasn't been to see his friend W who's moved into the student flats down the road "because he's going to a paid event this evening with his new flatmates". Etc etc etc etc...


It makes me so frustrated that I can dole out the most sensible and do-able advice on the planet but he refuses to take any of it on board, preferring to take the "woe is me" stance and to hide himself away in his room, stewing in negativity and hating being there.

He wouldn't go and see the residential mentors who are on duty between 6 and 8 every evening precisely to deal with this kind of thing because "I wouldn't have anything to say to them" and "they'd just tell me to go out to events and meet people". Plus I can almost guarantee that he won't seek help from any of the other student support services we met in the spring - all of whom are geared up to handle situations like this.

And how he can conclude that he has "nothing in common" with 2 boys he's only just met and who are, doubtless, equally lost (judging by L's face on Saturday), is beyond me...

So he just wandered around Sheffield on his own all day, then spent the evening locked away in his room.

Great.

And, not surprisingly, he is as miserable as sin.

I know it's hard. I know he (and many others) aren't into the boozy partying culture, but there are plenty of other 'fringe' events designed specifically for people like him where he is so very likely to meet people on his wavelength. That is, if they're not all stewing locked inside their rooms, too...

And, as for the flatmates that are "keeping themselves to themselves" and haven't come out of their rooms... Well... I imagine they're probably saying the same thing to their parents about Ben...

I know, I know... If it were you or me, we'd bite the bullet, take our courage in our hands and knock on their doors to see if they fancy a cuppa. We'd get the other boys together and say: "Hey guys I imagine we're all feeling a bit sh*t, so let's all put the kettle on and have a cup of tea together." Or a beer.

But, as you and I also know, you can lead a horse to water...

It just feels like a spookily similar re-run to last year so far. But this time I can't let him give up. Last year when he left he said he felt like a complete failure. Imagine how he'd feel if he quit second time around? And this year, of course, there are no refunds. To quit is bloody costly. We're talking £thousands. Which is why we make 100% certain with Ben that he was 100% certain he was ready to go this time.

So I imagine we'll get another call this evening along the same lines...

And then, tomorrow, when I drive down to drop off the things we couldn't get in the car...

It just makes me so frustrated that we have the solutions and have suggested them to him, yet he doesn't take them on board yet expects us to sympathise with the "woe is me" negative vibes. Which we do, of course, because that's what anxious parents do, but it frustrates me NO END!

Not to mention the worry that his panic, depression and anxiety will ressurect the eating disorder...