Wednesday 28 December 2016

A tricky few days thanks to my C-PTSD...

I can only say that the C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Disorder) came on with a vengeance from sometime on the evening of the 23rd until early evening on Christmas Day itself. It was quite frightening as I have never felt like that before: raging PTSD symptoms on full pelt - the works. And I had no control over it. Well, that's not strictly true. I had a choice: either to hide under the duvet for 48 hours or emerge and 'do business as usual'. I chose the latter as I didn't want to spoil everyone else's Christmas and we were entertaining the family at our house.

I let my husband and son know what was going on, just so they knew. Thankfully Ben was cooking Christmas Dinner and I press-ganged my husband into helping him out and organising all the other stuff. So I didn't have to do a thing except calm myself down and at least put on a festive front for everyone.

So I was really fortunate to have people with me who 'get it' and rush in to help.

But really and truly the all-singing-all-dancing PTSD took me by surprise and frightened me. And it was such a massive, huge contrast to how I usually am at Christmas (the eating disorder Christmases excepted).

Strangely, the moment Christmas was over, the symptoms largely went away, leaving only the 'usual' day to day PTSD stuff that's been going on for some time now.

I can only assume that Christmas itself was an enormous trigger. Probably what did it were the 2009 and 2010 Christmases when I was on auto-pilot, especially Christmas 2009 which was our first Christmas with the eating disorder.

This Christmas pinged me straight back there into the centre of the eating disorder hellishness of Christmases 2009/10 - and some.

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