I'm
wondering if any of this rings a bell with you, if you're worried your
son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to
publish the journal notes I made during the last few months of 2009. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part Five - written in note form.
From my 2009 Journal Notes.docx file (Part Five):
December 2009
In supermarkets he would examine food packaging meticulously, picking stuff up, then putting it down – or removing items from my trolley.
I began to hate the people that decided it was a Good Idea to list the nutritional content on food.
12 months ago, supermarket shopping was a nightmare with Ben picking up items, examining the nutritional content, and then putting them down again.
He'd return items from my trolley to the shelves in horror.
He would also spend AGES choosing anything, moving from one shelf to another, picking things up, then putting them down... It was horrible and I'd hate watching 'normal' people shop, buying everyday items without batting an eyelid. Our situation was surreal...
But you quickly get used to crazy behaviour in public and the stares of ‘normal’ people…
At Christmas I thought about all those parents everywhere who, at Christmas, want - more than anything - to get their 'little boy' or 'little girl' back, whether it's anorexia, other eating disorders, drugs, runaways, gangs, crime, drinks, going off the rails or worse.
While everyone around us went about the festivities in the usual jolly way, we felt as if we were just play-acting in a nightmarish parallel world.
As we went through another 'crisis' on Christmas Eve as Ben exploded in the kitchen about some calorie / food issue, I sobbed that I wanted my 'little boy' back.
Christmas Eve was particularly poignant for me because it was the day, 16 years earlier, that I'd brought Ben back from hospital following his birth.
Christmas Eve 2009 was our worst-ever.
Curiously on Christmas Day itself, despite the worsening anorexia, Ben actually ate a full Christmas dinner and tea without much complaint. It was almost as if we'd been given Christmas Day off!
But of course by Boxing Day anorexia had returned with a vengeance...
He's convinced he's putting on "fat" and showed me his "fat stomach"... And of course he's still avoiding all "bad" foods...
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Looking for support?
F.E.A.S.T. is an international charity that supports parents and carers of young people with eating disorders. It was a lifesaver for us.
- FEAST website (Families Empowered and Supporting the Treatment of Eating Disorders).
- FEAST's Forum
- FEAST's (private) Facebook group (ATDTfb - Eating Disorder Family and Carer Support)
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