PART SIX of the notes I was making as my son hurtled into anorexia in 2009/10...

By the beginning of 2010, my son's anorexia was getting worse. This was the UK New Year where the snow fell deep and I have photos of my skeletal son wrapped up in warm outdoor clothes on snowy walks in our local park as I tried desperately and without success to 'talk sense' into him. The contrast between my rugby-playing, handsome, muscular son of the previous year and this snowy January of 2010 was heartbreaking. Yet we still hadn't been able to access treatment for his anorexia despite first visiting the GP in the Autumn, because no-one believed he was seriously sick with what is the most deadly of all mental health conditions: anorexia nervosa.

I'm wondering if any of this rings a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish the journal notes I made during the last few months of 2009 and beginning of 2010. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part Six - written in note form.

From my 2010 Journal Notes.docx file (Part Six):

February 2010

Ben used to love eating at Pret a Manger in the city centre. 

And one Saturday in February we went into town and decided to go there for lunch. 

From the moment we went in, he was frantically examining the packaging for calories. Most were too high. He asked me what I thought he should have, then agitatedly picked up something totally different. 

The café had started making "half" sandwiches, so that was his natural choice. 

He must have picked up and put down virtually every sandwich in the shop. We even made it to the till on two occasions only to have him rush back and change his mind. 

Then he had some kind of breakdown, strode under the staircase and started to weep. 

So we tried again to choose lunch without success. 

In the end he strode out of the cafe with me frantically following him, chasing him through town. 

We did manage to get a quick bite to eat elsewhere (amazingly enough). But by then we were both totally frazzled, all thoughts of shopping totally gone. 

Meanwhile the city centre was buzzing around us, enjoying lunch, as normal while we were whizzing around this nightmarish surreal parallel world. 

This weird ‘parallel world feeling’ was something I’d get very used to over the next months… 

Anorexia robbed our son of his self-confidence, his self-esteem, his social skills and his sense of fun. He even lost his much sought-after 'six pack' as the anorexia began to eat away at the muscles in his body. 

By the end of 2009, his body was emaciated due to the anorexia. 

He had dark rings round his eyes, his face was gaunt, his skin was dry and flaking, his body was skeletal and he was permanently cold. 

Anorexia had lied to our son. 

But that's the nature of anorexia.

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Looking for support? 

F.E.A.S.T. is an international charity that supports parents and carers of young people with eating disorders. It was a lifesaver for us.

• FEAST website (Families Empowered and Supporting the Treatment of Eating Disorders).
• FEAST's Forum 
• FEAST's (private) Facebook group (ATDTfb - Eating Disorder Family and Carer Support)