Monday 28 February 2011

Looking back at my ATDT post from August 2010...

The first thing I did on return from holiday last summer was to put a post up on the Around the Dinner Table Forum for HELP!! Here's a potted version...

Re: Holiday / vacation... and anorexia came too...

Aug 02, 2010

Oh yes, anorexia was a well and truly present stowaway on our holiday / vacation in France the past 2 weeks... Result = over half a kg more weight loss on top of the 1.5kg weight loss the previous week.

We only had 3 threats of "ending it all" plus several complete emotional "meltdowns" and generally cutting back on food, refusing ice creams, treats, etc and doing compulsive exercising plus not being able to cope with travelling days when he was "doing nothing" (i.e. hadn't earned the "right to eat") - and meals out were an absolute nightmare. It was as if every single anorexia trait had waited for our holiday, deluging us with anorexia at its nastiest and most vicious.

With normal holidays, you leave stressful things like work, etc behind. With anorexia you take it all with you. While the sun is shining and all around you are having fun, you're in a horribly surreal parallel world.

My stress levels were stratospheric...

No more holidays until anorexia is well and truly gone.

Aug 02, 2010

Incredibly, at the last count, our psych was talking about only needing to see S once a MONTH from now onwards because he'd made such smashing progress. Needless to say we will be disputing that decision...

Good news is that, so far, fingers crossed, S has slipped back into the eating regime without too much fuss (after unsuccessfully trying to negotiate meal changes with me repeating "Come back to me when you're WR and you can make some meal choices, but not until then".)

We have a lot of weight to put back on as, apart from 2 weeks of weight gain, he has lost weight consistently since mid April!!!!!!!!!!!!! So much for the psych's "once a month" decision, hey...

Shocking, when you realise he's been losing weight for so long!!!!!

A reply

Aug 02, 2010

Sorry anorexia came on your holiday. He came on ours too although he's not THAT strong in my daughter unless given a helping hand by family circumstances which we always seen to do somewhere along the line  .

Sadly I think anorexia LOVES a good holiday (or at least to ruin one).

A couple of years ago I met a couple who were distressed at how hard it was for their daughter and had asked whether it wouldn't be better for their child to be on holiday with them somewhere warm by the beach with no pressures. They were very offended by the clinician's reply that "Anorexics always take a holiday as an opportunity to lose weight".

The disease is insidious, unpleasant and sneaky. ANY opportunity for wiggle room and it will take it and a holiday, where the usual rules and timetables are relaxed is one of those opportunities.

Me again...

Aug 03, 2010

Back on the straight-and-narrow eating plan worked so well yesterday until he found out he almost had 300 cals too many because I'd overlooked some earlier food. He went absolutely ballistic (as if he'd have metamorphosed into billy bunter overnight if that had happened), screamed that he couldn't live here any more, started packing his bags and we had to hoover up the house keys to stop him leaving home.

What on earth do you do in these situations? Continuous flying-off-the-handle threats of doing himself in and / or leaving home at the slightest thing.

So last night was yet another 2am dressing-gown-and-cuppa for me because I couldn't sleep - worried sick.

He is refusing point blank to "play ball" and just screams at me to "B*gger or f*ck off", saying the only reason he's still at home is because his dad told him he had to stay (my H threatened to dial 999 if he left with his bags). Son won't talk to me unless it's screaming. It's as if he hates me.

Unfortunately he BMI is too high for hospital admission and it would take some weeks of weight loss for him to get there but this is the way I feel it is heading and it breaks my heart.

Meanwhile I'm cancelling work and all appointments because I can't leave him for a moment.
How will we ever get to mental recovery / WR?
 How far we have come since those dark days of summer 2010!

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