Saturday 6 August 2011
Seaside, here I come - this time with Ben in tow...
Over the past 24 months I've used it as an 'escape' from the eating disorder. I'd leave Ben with his Dad and get the train or take the car down to my little seaside retreat.
However although you can distance yourself physically from the eating disorder, I found you can't do it mentally - and last August I had to leave after just 24 hours because I just couldn't relax and enjoy myself. I was as miserable as hell and felt completely trapped by the eating disorder. At that time I really couldn't see any lights at the end of the tunnel. Ben wasn't improving, in fact he was getting worse. And I found it difficult to handle being surrounded by 'normal' families having a 'normal' summer holiday. So I came back home.
But this year things have improved so much I'm taking Ben along with me.
We've got a great little itinerary planned. We'll take the train there, then spend 3 days visiting some really interesting places including Plymouth and Bath. Weather permitting, we'll take evening strolls along the prom to watch the tide come in and maybe stop off for a cappuccino or glass of wine at that chilled little bar overlooking the rock pools and peninsula. Also, I always like to do my annual 'pilgrimage' to my grandparents' old house - the sprawling Victorian villa where I used to spend every summer of the first 18 years of my life.
But first I must work out what we need to eat. Because we're going by train I can't take loads of snacks and stuff with me, however there is a supermarket right opposite the station and we can eat at Pizza Express. So that's my job today... to add up calories for a 'typical day's eating' to make sure Ben gets sufficient.
It's especially important as the scales have shown that his weight has remained stable for a couple of weeks and we need to increase!