At a loss what to do next...

And so the social isolation continues, and I can't help but feel it's mainly self-imposed isolation. If I thought that Ben was isolating himself from his peers a few months or even a year ago, it is now far, far worse. And, to be honest, I haven't a clue what to do.


Nor had CAMHS. Our psychiatrist's advice was that it seemed to be a case of flogging a dead horse and there was no point in Ben trying to resurrect his iron-strong past friendships. Just wait for university where everything would, with any luck, magically fall into place and Ben could start afresh.

At least a few months ago Ben was still going to church and socialising a bit, even though he was right on the fringes of the youth group and, if you've read recent blog posts from me, you'll know that the church let him down disgracefully. Despite me spending a morning bashing out a social integration plan with the church pastor and him promising wonderful things, nothing happened. Ben stopped believing in God, stopped going to church and no-one from the church has bothered to follow it up. They have let him down Big Style.

Now there is just Ben, his dad and me.

And on Friday when my husband and I spent a night alone in a hotel for the first time for years, without Ben and without the eating disorder, I was acutely aware of the predicament.

Today I read an article all about cutting the apron strings. How, as your son grows up, they start to form their own lives, be independent and don't need you as much.

With Ben it's the other way round. He depends on us one hundred per cent for his social life and everything else.

He is completely dependent on us and it seems to be getting worse.

Last night I dreamed I was trying to explain it all to one of Ben's school friends. In my dream I was pleading for her help in getting Ben back into his social group.

Heck, I desperately want him to be out there, with his friends. Sleepovers, cinema trips, meals, parties, band practices, badminton, shopping in town or just having a laugh... all those things he used to do before the anorexia whisked him onto Planet Zorg and years of solitary confinement, maybe with even more years of it to come.

How the hell is everything suddenly going to drop into place when he goes away to University? He's missed out on a tonne of late adolescent social skills. He simply doesn't have them. Having been on his own for over two and a half years, in real terms, he has developed other skills. He tends to 'lecture', to talk 'at' people and he is always right. He bosses me around, tells me off, demands that I go for walks with him, etc. And the rest of the time he sits in his room either studying or painting his models. Or he's downstairs cooking, baking or playing on his X Box (these days he doesn't even use X Box 'Live' to play games with his peers).

His Facebook page used to have lots of 'likes' and comments. Now it's just him posting and me 'liking'.

This is not good - and I have no idea what to do.

We no longer have CAMHS, not that they were much help on this count. I've tried desperately to open doors for him socially and with suggestions for things like summer voluntary work, part-time jobs, etc where he could meet new people, but he doesn't take the bait. And, as the old adage goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink.

And now the insomnia is back on school days. Which means it may still be here when it comes to the A Level exams, just as it messed up his AS Level exams last year.

Actually on Friday night it occurred to me that messing up his A Levels and not getting into university this September wouldn't be a bad thing.

It would give us another year to really push for full recovery on ALL fronts, the social interaction front being a priority.

The trouble is, it seems to be completely up to me to come up with a solution, because I can't see it coming from anywhere else - and I have no idea what to do.

No idea whatsoever.

Not a clue.