Two meltdowns in one day...

Ben was in a heck of a mood all of yesterday - a true 'downer'. The first meltdown was at lunchtime and the second in the evening. I didn't even mention the diet meal from the weekend until part-way through what ended up as a shouting match between him and me. He insisted the diet meal choice wasn't anything to do with any of this. (I'll put that into the 'pending' file inside my head for now as there's only so much I can deal with at once...)


Ben is already on anti-depressants and has been since the eating disorder treatment days. Now he believes he is suffering from a raft of different mental health problems which, in the end, we managed to boil down to just a couple of possibilities.

But whatever the problem is, or problems are, I continued to say that he needs to get a proper diagnosis followed by proper medication (if applicable) and therapy. I said that there's a limit to how many times we can be sympathetic if he isn't doing anything about it.

There was a ton of stuff came up which I can't even begin to blog about here and probably shouldn't for privacy reasons.

Suffice to say that I found it mega heart-breaking not to mention triggering. It was as if my head was screaming at me that it couldn't go through anything even vaguely resembling what we'd already been through in the eating disorder years. I had a huge impulse to flee. So I got in my car and just drove...

In the evening - this time with my H there - we had a similar "discussion".

Sadly he didn't enjoy his birthday weekend at all. He felt blank. Nothing. Zilch.

Anyway to cut a very long story short, as a starting point I told him to self-refer to the NHS for a diagnosis.

Watch this space to see if he does...

I don't believe he will opt for therapy. He has a real negative thing about therapists possibly as a result of a university therapist who was about as much use as a... well... who wasn't that brilliant.

Meanwhile, please can I fly off solo to a remote desert island somewhere and come back in the spring? Because I sure fire don't want to "do Christmas" this year.