Casualties of 'Ed Rage'...

Every morning I drive Ben to the bus stop to catch the bus to school. And this morning when he chucked his school bags into the back of the car, I reminded him to put them in the car boot (trunk) instead. Why? Because driving Ben to the bus stop in the Bad Old Days of High Anorexia used to be an altogether different experience... 12 months ago Ben dreaded going to school. He dreaded everything to do with school and dreaded being with everyone in it. Virtually every morning was a battle to get him to the bus. And virtually every morning he'd explode into a massive 'Ed Rage' which meant verbal abuse en route to the bus stop, usually lots of tears and finally the violent slamming of the rear passenger car door as the incredibly distressed 16 year old slunked off down the hill to the bus stop. My car door has never recovered...

It's Pancake Day - get out the frying pan!

... And Ben has made a stack of amazing pancakes with various combos: lemon and sugar, nutella, yogurt and fresh fruit, and maple syrup - all fried up in oil. I ate one and he ate the rest, followed by a large iced coffee. Then, last weekend, he made a batch of enormous and very delicious fruit scones which we all had with jam and butter. Today he was the first to make claim to our new ice-cream maker to whip up some frozen fruit yogurt).

Recommended reading for parents of teenagers with eating disorders...

Inspired by a post on the Around the Dinner Table Forum, I clicked through to this page which features a list of excellent recommended books for parents of teenagers with eating disorders along with reviews. If you live in the UK you can obtain most of them via Amazon.co.uk.

Anorexia is no fun... literally...

Back in the pre-anorexia days, Ben loved nothing better than to go out with his friends and have a giggle. Yes, he was serious at times but on the whole, he was funny and enjoyed life. Then along came the anorexia and gradually seeped all the heart, life and soul out of him. It sucked him dry of all his humour, enjoyment and good emotions - and at the worst point it was if he had no emotions at all. He'd just stand there like a zombie, staring into space, completely unable to FEEL anything. He was totally numb. And he wouldn't respond if you tried to hug him or tell him you loved him. He'd watch TV comedy shows without moving a face muscle and would be as miserable as sin whenever we were out anywhere. It was horrible...

And I thought it would only take 6 months or so - max...

Funny how at the start you look at the anorexia as if it was a physical illness in that you can ask the doctor how long it will take to cure and they will tell you "Six months max" or whatever. I even found stuff on the internet which reckoned teenagers have undergone a full recovery, from diagnosis to discharge from treatment, in just months. Then it gradually dawns on you that, sorry, but you're in for the long haul and no-one can tell you how long it will last...

Identifying all the stuff that fuels the insomnia and breaking free

It's been a difficult week which is why I haven't been blogging much. The main issue this week (apart from the  usual insomnia) has been to make a list of all the other things that the anorexia still controls with a view to working on them one by one to move Ben up to the next stage of recovery (and help to address the insomnia in the process, hopefully). Many of these are things that keep him awake at night - worrying about stuff, planning stuff, etc. Basically, the pychiatrist asked him to picture his life as it will be without the anorexia and list all those things that won't feature in it, which are currently driven or controlled by the anorexia.

A nice walk in the woods

Ah, sunshine, warmth and spring flowers at last - which was a great excuse for a walk in the woods this afternoon to gather some dead wood for the fire (if you remember, Ben is still doing mornings only at school, although he didn't make it in today due to another night's insomnia...) And, also as you may remember, these days walks are great opportunities for nice, positive heart-to-heart chats as Ben opens up about his anorexia. Back in the 'bad old days' we'd do umpteen walks, especially when he was off school last Spring / Summer, and I'd be so frustrated at the lack of progress - or promises to improve this, that and the other which I knew the anorexia wouldn't let him keep.