London in the early 1980s...

Back to my story. I think if I hadn't been "saved" by getting in with the new crowd at school, just before the upper sixth form in 1976, and by the PHAB group, any disordered eating might have got worse. I know I did have to work pretty hard at maintaining my new low weight over the next few years and I know that, especially at uni, I avoided certain social situations where food was involved. I always felt guilty when I ate too much and always hated myself when I put on a bit of weight. There was a problem in the last two years at uni, too.

Batty is on a guilt trip...

I know that parents don't "cause" their child's eating disorder and we shouldn't feel guilty about it. But, as I am discovering at the moment as I write up those early stages when I was trekking with Ben to see our GP, I can't help but feel guilty.

The grey period at the start of Ben's anorexia...

If you've seen my Tweets you'll see I'm having problems describing the "grey period" in my book: the months between when the penny eventually dropped that, yes, Ben was developing anorexia to early 2010 when I first discovered the ATDT forum (when, of course, all my thoughts are documented for me to refer to in the forum archive).

Becoming a "swan", but at some cost???

The therapist I saw in early 1976, aged 17, was under the impression that I was too self-focused and needed taking out of myself. Being with people less fortunate than (relatively affluent, middle-class) me might make me snap out of this introspection. So she suggested I join the local PHAB group.

Let's talk a bit about my own problems with food...

Someone posted a link to this article today which talks about the way eating disorders are believed to have a genetic link i.e. if you, the parent, have had an eating disorder then there's a far higher chance your child may be genetically predisposed to developing an eating disorder too. So let's talk about me this time...

I can't stop being excited about uni...

Anyone would think it was me going away to a jam packed full week of freshers' events at uni in a couple of weeks' time. I wish it was. Beach parties, film shows, tea parties, chocolate tasting, wine tasting, scuba diving, Buddhist meditation, mask making, quizzes, radio DJ-ing, ghost tours, treasure hunts... I want to do it all! And, thankfully, so does a socially-starved Ben. Blimey if he doesn't make some great friends within that first week I'll eat my hat!

Forgive me father for I have sinned...

Today is the second session of reading aloud some of the chapters in my draft book so Ben can correct me on anything I've got wrong and also provide a fresh insight into what was going on in his head at the time. (His choice - after all, as he said, "I'll be reading it anyway so I want to be sure you've got things right". He immediately picked up on the following section which refers to the early days of his anorexia in November 2009: