Friday 13 May 2011

What a week!

Blogger is finally back in action after being offline every time I clicked on it... Meanwhile what a week's it been what with the weekend (already alluded to) and my dad deteriorating daily until he was hospitalised yesterday (and still continues to deteriorate...) Meanwhile Ben has cooked 3 evening meals VERY SUCCESSFULLY because I've been too busy sorting out my parents. We've had sausage, butter bean and veg casserole; chorizo and chicken jambalaya with pitta breads; and creamy home-baked ham with leak and mushroom spaghetti - all without "slimming them down" in any way. And today Ben has put on 1.5kg in weight at his fortnightly weighing session...

Initially that didn't go down too well, but when we looked at it over the past month it averages out at an 8th of a kg a week which is well below the NICE guidelines recommendations. I have made sure he's well aware of this rather than seeing it as a "huge weight gain" over a short period, to avoid a knee-jerk reaction.

But I was relieved to know that the funeral weekend was successful, food-wise, gaining rather than losing weight. Yes we had some pretty extreme angst at the weekend, but in general Ben persevered and put on weight, thank goodness.

Which brings me back to the weekend...

From the start it was jam-packed with potential stressers. Firstly, we were eating outside "the comfort zone" of home cooking and calorie counting. Secondly, we arrived to find the family had made zero plans for meals which immediately made Ben anxious with vague suggestions of a BBQ or takeaway fish'n'chips at some unspecified time of night. So I collared Ben and we went for a walk to formulate a workable plan. I knew this plan wouldn't please everyone, but my Number One priority is Ben and his recovery, so as long as that was successful - or at least as successful as possible given the circumstances - I'd done my job.

H's decision to stay at a local hotel was a Good Decision because we could eat proper breakfasts and could sleep in beds as opposed to on the floor (!) Ben and I decided that the only workable plan for evening meals was for us to eat at the hotel, too, which we did - reasonably successfully - both nights. With no plans whatsoever for family lunches either, we picnicked on the Sunday and went to the post-funeral meal on the Monday before driving 300 miles home for our evening meal. Unfortunately each one of these decisions combined to make my Mother-in-Law furious with me and by the funeral she wouldn't even look at me, let alone speak to me. I had to virtually force myself on her when we said goodbye.

Unfortunately she saw it all very differently from me (confirmed by H when he spoke to her later). Me making the decision to stay at the hotel (actually it was H's decision). Me taking Ben and H away for other meals, too (well I had no choice if I wanted to keep the peace - they know what happened last time Ben stayed with them and was faced with haphazard or non-existent meal plans... basically the anorexia can't cope with it and he flips. I didn't want a "flip" at a weekend that was already high in emotion...)

Also, most importantly, I wanted to be sure Ben ate sufficient so he didn't lose any more weight.

It's sad that almost 2 years into the eating disorder, my in-laws still don't "get it".

It was also hard for me to see Ben's teenage cousins tucking into a massive 3-course post-funeral meal as if they'd been on starvation rations for a couple of years and meanwhile Ben ate a piece of griddled fish, half a red pepper and a plain jacket potato (no butter) followed by an apple. OK the first two items were doused in olive oil, but still...

Anyway, I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself for long because virtually the moment we got home, my mum phoned to say my dad was ill...

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