PART SEVEN of the notes I was making as my son hurtled into anorexia in 2009/10...

By the beginning of 2010, my son's anorexia was getting worse and we still didn't have a date for treatment. Ben was changing in front our eyes into someone we didn't recognise: physically or mentally, and the doctors didn't seem particularly bothered. Plus, the learning curve was enormous - we'd never in a million years ever thought that our son would get anorexia.

I'm wondering if any of this rings a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish the journal notes I made during the last few months of 2009 and start of 2010. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part Seven - written in note form.

PART SIX of the notes I was making as my son hurtled into anorexia in 2009/10...

By the beginning of 2010, my son's anorexia was getting worse. This was the UK New Year where the snow fell deep and I have photos of my skeletal son wrapped up in warm outdoor clothes on snowy walks in our local park as I tried desperately and without success to 'talk sense' into him. The contrast between my rugby-playing, handsome, muscular son of the previous year and this snowy January of 2010 was heartbreaking. Yet we still hadn't been able to access treatment for his anorexia despite first visiting the GP in the Autumn, because no-one believed he was seriously sick with what is the most deadly of all mental health conditions: anorexia nervosa.

I'm wondering if any of this rings a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish the journal notes I made during the last few months of 2009 and beginning of 2010. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part Six - written in note form.

Why "good anger" has brought me back into the world of eating disorders

Right from the start of this blog in 2011, I've pointed families towards the charity, FEAST, the online network that supports parents and carers of young people with eating disorders through its website, forum and facebook group. Now that I'm kind of able to dip back into the world of eating disorders, following a lengthy battle with Complex PTSD, I've been talking with FEAST about possibly becoming one of their parent support volunteers. But first, I've been going through a stack of learning material to bring me up to date with evidence-based treatment and practice in treating adolescents with eating disorders like anorexia. It's an emotional journey!

In case you can't see the PAGES tabs on this blog...

There are 4 additional PAGES tabs on my blog which may not be visible if you're using the app or a smartphone, so I thought I'd just do a quick post with links to them. I've just uploaded a fourth page which talks about what Ben is doing today, in 2025.

Ben in 2025: https://anorexiaboyrecovery.blogspot.com/p/ben-in-2025.html  

About us: https://anorexiaboyrecovery.blogspot.com/p/about-us-anorexia-in-family.html

Our story: https://anorexiaboyrecovery.blogspot.com/p/in-november-2013-i-gave-talk-at.html

Recovery contract: https://anorexiaboyrecovery.blogspot.com/p/recovery-contract.html

PART FIVE of the notes I was making as my son hurtled into anorexia in late 2009...

By the end of 2009, my son's escalating anorexia was getting worse. Supermarket shopping was a nightmare and Christmas Eve saw me in floods of tears as the anorexia robbed us all of our usual happy family Christmas.

I'm wondering if any of this rings a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish the journal notes I made during the last few months of 2009. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part Five - written in note form.

PART FOUR of the notes I was making as my son hurtled into anorexia in late 2009...

By November 2009, my son's escalating anorexia was making him behave incredibly erratically and my stress levels were stratospheric. The simplest thing could send Ben into a nightmarish yelling and banging-head spiral. 

This was especially horrific if we were eating in public as this Pizza Express incident from late 2009 shows. And, remember, this is while we were still on the long waiting list for eating disorder treatment, so my husband and I were desperately trying to halt the progress Ben's anorexia on our own.

I'm wondering if any of this rings a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish the journal notes I made during the last few months of 2009. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part Four - written in note form.

Check out this fantastic resource if you're struggling to get your anorexia child to eat!

I remember when I asked CAMHS (the treatment team treating my son, Ben, from 2010) if their treatment involved eating plans for weight gain in anorexia, they produced a printed sheet called Eating Plan 6 (there was no mention of Eating Plans 1,2 3, etc...). 

At first, I thought: "Wow! This might just work!" and on the way back from the therapy session, we stopped off at the supermarket to buy the foods shown on Eating Plan 6.

PART THREE of the notes I was making as my son hurtled into anorexia in late 2009...

By October 2009, my son's emerging eating disorder was raging. We'd eventually managed to get the GP to refer Ben for eating disorder treatment, but - to my horror and panic - we'd been put on a waiting list which could mean a 18-22 week wait before an assessment, let alone the start of treatment for his anorexia. And who was to say that treatment would immediately stop the eating disorder in its tracks?

I'm wondering if any of this rings a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish this document. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part Three.

A missed opportunity to help other families facing a deadly eating disorder

A few weeks ago, I was interviewed for a national newspaper about eating disorders in boys and to talk about my son's battle with anorexia and eventual full recovery. I'm so grateful for that opportunity to raise awareness of the fact that boys and men get eating disorders like anorexia. But then another publication contacted me, also wanting to raise awareness that boys get eating disorders. I said yes, I'd be happy to be interviewed. But it's not going to happen, and here's why...

More from my Notes.docx file from autumn 2009...

Part Two... of some notes I kept as a record of what was going on in the lead up to Christmas 2009. 

Ben's emerging eating disorder had begun to be evident during that summer and by autumn, I was desperately trying to get him diagnosed with anorexia and referred for eating disorder treatment. 

I'm wondering if any of this rings a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish this document. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part Two.

I've already pointed you to the FEAST website and Forum - here's a shoutout for the FEAST Facebook group!

FEAST (which stands for Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders) was a lifesaver for us when my son, Ben, was sick with anorexia and the support I received on the FEAST Forum (also known as the Around The Dinner Table Forum) from other parents and carers was so incredible it makes me want to cry. 

I forgot to mention that there's a FEAST Facebook group (which you need to apply to join as it's a private group) which is fantastic for raising quick questions and getting excellent answers and support from the other members. So I just thought I'd do a quick shoutout for it!

Do any of these symptoms and behaviours ring any bells with you?

I've been looking back on some notes I kept as a record of what was going on in the lead up to Christmas 2009. 

Ben's emerging eating disorder had begun to be evident during that summer and by autumn, I was desperately trying to get him diagnosed with anorexia and referred for eating disorder treatment. Everyone was noticing the marked difference in Ben - from family through to school teachers. 

I'm wondering if any of these symptoms and behaviours ring a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish this document. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part One.

What I said to the CAMHS nurse, 12 months into my son's treatment for anorexia

In March 2011, my son Ben had been with CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) for 13 months. During this time his weight had fluctuated, but by Month Thirteen I was panicking because Ben's weight had DROPPED by several kg compared to his weight on Day One of CAMHS treatment just over a year before. Indeed in February 2011, 12 months into treatment, Ben's weight had reached its lowest-ever level since his eating disorder began. 

I needed to sit down with CAMHS and have a serious talk about what we should do about it.

The only chance I got to talk with his therapists was to do this while Ben was present during the CAMHS sessions which was far, far, far from ideal, as you can imagine. After each session the team of two would disappear in a puff of smoke, rushing off somewhere else. We weren't permitted to phone or contact therapists direct and had to rely on admin staff to leave messages in their pigeon holes, hoping they'd call me back.

Frustrated and scared, in March 2011, I wrote a letter to the CAMHS nurse. 

'The eating disorder is taking its toll on all of you... take a break from it and have a relaxing family holiday,' they said...

My son, Ben, was under the treatment of CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) from February 2010 until he reached the age of 18 in 2012. The treatment was old-style - talking Ben into 'wanting to recover', allowing him to know his weight gain or loss and also allowing him to be in charge of his own meals. Although I was included in some of the 60-minutes-a-week sessions, I was definitely not seen as an integral part of his recovery from anorexia - except as someone who should keep quiet and let Ben do things himself, his own way.

Or the eating disorder's way.

What caused his / her eating disorder? Was it something we did as parents?

The nasty comments on my article in the newspaper on Friday almost exclusively point the finger at me, Ben's mum, as the reason why he developed anorexia as a teen. Overprotective or controlling mother, bad family dynamics, emotional neglect, even abuse, a reliance on the medical profession to diagnose him when I 'should have known' what to do myself. The list goes on...

The last thing I talked about with my dear friend who died in January was....

The last time I met up with my wonderful friend (who I'll call Alice here), we headed to our favourite cafe for lunch. Alice had just been given the 'all clear' following months of chemo for breast cancer and I wanted to buy her lunch to celebrate (and to celebrate me getting my first Old Age State Pension - ouch!!). A woman pushed Alice roughly out of the way in the lunch queue and it shook her up. It shook me up, too. I thought: "How dare she push Alice when Alice has been through hell over the past couple of years?" But, then, I guess she wasn't to know that Alice was so very fragile after all that chemo. Or that, within just 4 weeks, Alice would be dead when the cancer reappeared, suddenly and aggressively.

OMG, there are some truly nasty, vile and cruel people out there!

I made the mistake of checking out some of the comments on the online version of yesterday's Daily Mail article which featured our story of battling to get my son, Ben, through anorexia. (At the moment, the online version is behind a paywall but  you can read a full transcript on my website here.)

I only read a few of the (so far nearly 100) comments and they are incredibly cruel, nasty and vile.

I would love to sit all of these horrible people in a room with me, lock the door and force them to hear my story from start to finish.

You may have seen me in the newspaper yesterday

A few weeks ago, a journalist from a national UK newspaper - the Daily Mail - emailed me to see if I'd be interested in being interviewed for an article on eating disorders in boys, to raise awareness that boys get eating disorders too. It was the first interview I'd done since succumbing to Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (c-PTSD) as a result of battling to get my son through anorexia and back to full health.

I said yes, because I felt that, finally, I'd be able to talk to the media again (I used to raise awareness that boys get eating disorders like anorexia quite a bit, but then I fell sick with c-PTSD and just couldn't face "going back there").

I've just been interviewed, in depth, for a national newspaper. Going back over everything was weird...

Before my c-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) struck around 10 or 11 years ago, I did quite a few media appearances and interviews about boys with eating disorders, also talking about how my son, Ben, was well on the way to recovery from anorexia. But I had to put on the brakes when the c-PTSD symptoms got worse. I got to the stage where I couldn't talk about eating disorders, I couldn't write or blog about eating disorders, I couldn't even think about eating disorders. And I definitely couldn't go into depth about our family's battle to get our son through anorexia. 

Then the other week a journalist from a national newspaper got in touch, asking if I'd be willing to be interviewed for an article on eating disorders in boys. I said yes, for the first time for ages. However...

14 years ago a parent contacted me through this blog... What happened next was amazing.

14 years ago, I got an email from a mum who'd been following this blog. She wrote to say that her own situation was almost identical to mine and that she'd found this blog tremendously helpful, especially as eating disorder services for teenagers were virtually non-existent where she lived. She'd been following this blog, reading about what worked for us and trying it out with her daughter - she'd also found the incredible resource https://feast-ed.org/ through this blog and had joined its Around The Dinner Table Forum for parents of young people with eating disorders after she learned how it had been a lifesaver for me.

That was just the start... What happened next was amazing...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water... Me, not my son (thankfully)

I've talked many times on here about how my son's anorexia caused me to develop Complex-PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) - and talking with my friends from the world of eating disorder parents, I'm far from alone. Not surprisingly, many other parents suffer from trauma symptoms, too.

I'm just interested... Does anyone still read this blog?

 I've been dipping into this blog recently for one reason and another and am wondering if anyone still reads this blog? Please let me know if you do. Bev xx