More from my Notes.docx file from autumn 2009...

Part Two... of some notes I kept as a record of what was going on in the lead up to Christmas 2009. 

Ben's emerging eating disorder had begun to be evident during that summer and by autumn, I was desperately trying to get him diagnosed with anorexia and referred for eating disorder treatment. 

I'm wondering if any of this rings a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish this document. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part Two.

I've already pointed you to the FEAST website and Forum - here's a shoutout for the FEAST Facebook group!

FEAST (which stands for Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders) was a lifesaver for us when my son, Ben, was sick with anorexia and the support I received on the FEAST Forum (also known as the Around The Dinner Table Forum) from other parents and carers was so incredible it makes me want to cry. 

I forgot to mention that there's a FEAST Facebook group (which you need to apply to join as it's a private group) which is fantastic for raising quick questions and getting excellent answers and support from the other members. So I just thought I'd do a quick shoutout for it!

Do any of these symptoms and behaviours ring any bells with you?

I've been looking back on some notes I kept as a record of what was going on in the lead up to Christmas 2009. 

Ben's emerging eating disorder had begun to be evident during that summer and by autumn, I was desperately trying to get him diagnosed with anorexia and referred for eating disorder treatment. Everyone was noticing the marked difference in Ben - from family through to school teachers. 

I'm wondering if any of these symptoms and behaviours ring a bell with you, if you're worried your son might be developing an eating disorder? That's why I've decided to publish this document. It's quite lengthy, so this is Part One.

What I said to the CAMHS nurse, 12 months into my son's treatment for anorexia

In March 2011, my son Ben had been with CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) for 13 months. During this time his weight had fluctuated, but by Month Thirteen I was panicking because Ben's weight had DROPPED by several kg compared to his weight on Day One of CAMHS treatment just over a year before. Indeed in February 2011, 12 months into treatment, Ben's weight had reached its lowest-ever level since his eating disorder began. 

I needed to sit down with CAMHS and have a serious talk about what we should do about it.

The only chance I got to talk with his therapists was to do this while Ben was present during the CAMHS sessions which was far, far, far from ideal, as you can imagine. After each session the team of two would disappear in a puff of smoke, rushing off somewhere else. We weren't permitted to phone or contact therapists direct and had to rely on admin staff to leave messages in their pigeon holes, hoping they'd call me back.

Frustrated and scared, in March 2011, I wrote a letter to the CAMHS nurse. 

'The eating disorder is taking its toll on all of you... take a break from it and have a relaxing family holiday,' they said...

My son, Ben, was under the treatment of CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) from February 2010 until he reached the age of 18 in 2012. The treatment was old-style - talking Ben into 'wanting to recover', allowing him to know his weight gain or loss and also allowing him to be in charge of his own meals. Although I was included in some of the 60-minutes-a-week sessions, I was definitely not seen as an integral part of his recovery from anorexia - except as someone who should keep quiet and let Ben do things himself, his own way.

Or the eating disorder's way.

What caused his / her eating disorder? Was it something we did as parents?

The nasty comments on my article in the newspaper on Friday almost exclusively point the finger at me, Ben's mum, as the reason why he developed anorexia as a teen. Overprotective or controlling mother, bad family dynamics, emotional neglect, even abuse, a reliance on the medical profession to diagnose him when I 'should have known' what to do myself. The list goes on...

The last thing I talked about with my dear friend who died in January was....

The last time I met up with my wonderful friend (who I'll call Alice here), we headed to our favourite cafe for lunch. Alice had just been given the 'all clear' following months of chemo for breast cancer and I wanted to buy her lunch to celebrate (and to celebrate me getting my first Old Age State Pension - ouch!!). A woman pushed Alice roughly out of the way in the lunch queue and it shook her up. It shook me up, too. I thought: "How dare she push Alice when Alice has been through hell over the past couple of years?" But, then, I guess she wasn't to know that Alice was so very fragile after all that chemo. Or that, within just 4 weeks, Alice would be dead when the cancer reappeared, suddenly and aggressively.

OMG, there are some truly nasty, vile and cruel people out there!

I made the mistake of checking out some of the comments on the online version of yesterday's Daily Mail article which featured our story of battling to get my son, Ben, through anorexia. (At the moment, the online version is behind a paywall but  you can read a full transcript on my website here.)

I only read a few of the (so far nearly 100) comments and they are incredibly cruel, nasty and vile.

I would love to sit all of these horrible people in a room with me, lock the door and force them to hear my story from start to finish.

You may have seen me in the newspaper yesterday

A few weeks ago, a journalist from a national UK newspaper - the Daily Mail - emailed me to see if I'd be interested in being interviewed for an article on eating disorders in boys, to raise awareness that boys get eating disorders too. It was the first interview I'd done since succumbing to Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (c-PTSD) as a result of battling to get my son through anorexia and back to full health.

I said yes, because I felt that, finally, I'd be able to talk to the media again (I used to raise awareness that boys get eating disorders like anorexia quite a bit, but then I fell sick with c-PTSD and just couldn't face "going back there").

I've just been interviewed, in depth, for a national newspaper. Going back over everything was weird...

Before my c-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) struck around 10 or 11 years ago, I did quite a few media appearances and interviews about boys with eating disorders, also talking about how my son, Ben, was well on the way to recovery from anorexia. But I had to put on the brakes when the c-PTSD symptoms got worse. I got to the stage where I couldn't talk about eating disorders, I couldn't write or blog about eating disorders, I couldn't even think about eating disorders. And I definitely couldn't go into depth about our family's battle to get our son through anorexia. 

Then the other week a journalist from a national newspaper got in touch, asking if I'd be willing to be interviewed for an article on eating disorders in boys. I said yes, for the first time for ages. However...

14 years ago a parent contacted me through this blog... What happened next was amazing.

14 years ago, I got an email from a mum who'd been following this blog. She wrote to say that her own situation was almost identical to mine and that she'd found this blog tremendously helpful, especially as eating disorder services for teenagers were virtually non-existent where she lived. She'd been following this blog, reading about what worked for us and trying it out with her daughter - she'd also found the incredible resource https://feast-ed.org/ through this blog and had joined its Around The Dinner Table Forum for parents of young people with eating disorders after she learned how it had been a lifesaver for me.

That was just the start... What happened next was amazing...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water... Me, not my son (thankfully)

I've talked many times on here about how my son's anorexia caused me to develop Complex-PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) - and talking with my friends from the world of eating disorder parents, I'm far from alone. Not surprisingly, many other parents suffer from trauma symptoms, too.

I'm just interested... Does anyone still read this blog?

 I've been dipping into this blog recently for one reason and another and am wondering if anyone still reads this blog? Please let me know if you do. Bev xx