Sunday 16 December 2012

£70 on "medicine" down at Tesco's

"Food is medicine", as we all know. So I've just returned from Tesco's armed with salmon in various guises, other oily fish, chocolates, custard (to make ice cream), turkey steaks and a stack of other stuff. I've been there alone so I don't have the "We don't need that... it's too expensive" voice in my ear. And, thus far, he seems totally relaxed at what I'm doing.

"It's funny because I feel completely fine today," he said calmly earlier, demonstrating to me how he's changing his diet back to what it was during the "good months".

But driving down to Tesco I continued to be stunned at the sheer appalling behaviour demonstrated at the psych appointment yesterday. Effing and blinding at a complete stranger like that. It's shocking and, if he didn't have "an excuse", it's the kind of behaviour that would get him grounded for a year.

Also, telling your mother over and over again you plan to kill yourself isn't such brilliant behaviour either.

Especially just before Christmas.

Whatever happens from now onwards I'll be keeping a very watchful eye on things. From a distance, though, and discreetly - because I learned this was the most effective way to deal with Ben. To know when "enough was enough" as regards food talk, despite the maternal instinct to nag him senseless.

What IS good about it, though, is that it reminded me to keep my eye on the ball and also to take early action whenever the alarm bells begin to ring.

And not to be afraid of taking action - not to let the eating disorder bully me.

Oh, and Ben never went to the school reunion last night.

But that didn't surprise me.

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