Friday 7 December 2012

Hmn... dietician bound tomorrow...

Tomorrow morning we're seeing the private dietician with a view to sorting out the remnants of Ben's eating disorder. I also wonder whether we need to go back and see the private psychologist for a few sessions. Ben is still avoiding social situations. Tonight he announced he's not going to Phab. "Look, just not tonight!" he barked at me a few moments ago. He still hasn't got his zest for life back and seems down in the dumps much of the time. To be honest he is blooming miserable.

Another thing we'll be doing tomorrow is checking on his weight. Last week he lost 1kg if you remember, and I want to be sure he's put it back on. Yesterday it looked as if he was making a concerted effort to do this but I have no idea whether "something" was beating him up about all the snacks he was having. If he's put on more than 1kg he could find it hard to come to terms with.

This is why we're seeing the dietician - to help him adjust to being his present weight and adjust to any weight gain in the future, whether that weight gain is a result of natural weight gain as he grows older and bulks out - or a result from just overdoing it on the food front for a short while. Like most people do now and again.

He is still depressed. He's always been prone to depressive moods and the eating disorder made it worse. But he just doesn't seem to be able to throw it off. Yet when we saw the psychologist for those few sessions last month, it put him into an even worse mood.

So it's difficult to know what to do.

Let's start with the dietician and take it from there.

Oh and next Saturday is the school reunion - the Class of 2012, many of whom are now back from university and gap years ready for Christmas. Hopefully he will go, and hopefully he will stay for the whole evening.

Meanwhile Ben sits on the sofa in front of the TV every night.

It's not good and it makes me very anxious.

And it's why I still can't say, hand on heart, that Ben is "fully recovered". I always say "95 per cent recovered" or "99 per cent recovered", depending on how things seem at that particular moment in time.

It's also why I keep a beady eye on him as I have a pathological fear of relapse.


  1. I can relate to Ben's mood, socialising etc. and for me it is particularly worse at this time of year; winter/Christmas time. I think as each year, winter is a particularly difficult time, my mind seems to anticipate it coming, so even before winter sets in I'm already feeling the effects of it as I dread what's to come and they just seem to build all the way through. I still have big downs and difficulties in spring/summer but am just generally a little more bouyant. It sounds like maybe Ben is affected by the seasons too? Kirstie.

  2. I think Christmas affects many people who have recovered, or nearly recovered, from an eating disorder. Also, everyone feels a bit 'down' in winter, generally. I know I do!!! x