Wednesday 8 June 2011

Spookily similar "WR" problem 14 months ago...

Interesting looking back at my ATDT threads from 14 months ago (29th May 2010) when, it appears from the chart I made back then, Ben's weight had increased to 59.3kg after the rapid initial weight gain (which was to go pear-shaped from the end of May onwards as Ben's weight plummeted off the bottom of my chart).

At his last scales session on 27th May 2011 Ben weighed 57kg which is 2+kg less than he weighed then. Here's an edit of what I wrote back then which, from what CAMHS were saying about the weight, rings some spookily topical bells...

My S has sneaked through into the "healthy BMI" range and for the first time for MONTHS actually looks pretty normal (if still quite thin).

The trouble is... his mindset is way, way off "healthy"... which means we're faced with a new "demon" as all the previous "you must eat to put on weight" stuff becomes obsolete and he panics that he's about to spiral out of control and become a complete blob.

It also makes it masses harder to make him eat anything with fat in it. ("I've put on weight WITHOUT eating fats so why should I eat fats now?" blah blah blah)

It also means we have more "poky / proddy" / mirror sessions than ever as he develops "rolls of fat" on his belly almost by the minute, not to mention umpteen "double chins" etc etc etc as he becomes convinced we are dead set on transforming him into Michelin Man like some kind of warped child abuse...

I'd appreciate advice on how to cope with this "eggshells" stage in ED when the body is reasonably OK but the mindset hasn't really moved on at all...

Already the dietitian at CAMHS has become the "goodie" and mum's become the enemy because "she says I've reached my ideal weight"... unfortunately the psych implied that, too. ("Congratulations!" says the psych, all smiles, "Your weight is healthy again!")

How can mum's instinct be right when "the professionals" imply he's virtually there... hey...

Every pound gained results in mum's life being made hell on the drive back home. But to our dietitian's credit, she did talk about the WR where your weight kind of settles naturally. I don't believe we are there yet, but she obviously thinks we're much closer than I do. Conflict isn't good - and S is sure to take her side, not mine.

Followed by:

So there were, coming along swimmingly (as you'll see from my other threads) when - pow! - ED decides to fight back in a bid to get control of S again.

The problem being that he's now within the "healthy" BMI range (albeit at the bottom end of it) and is putting on weight at what is really a "maintenance" level i.e. ounces, not even pounds.

Ever since we saw the psych on Friday (who was brilliant, actually...) S has started to rebell, refusing to stick to the eating plan any longer, body checking, refusing to eat any fats of any sort, constantly arguing with us (the old irrational arguments that don't get you anywhere) and being in a generally depressed state of mind. (Because he feels he's gaining weight at a fantastic rate and is getting flabby. He wants to take charge of his own meals (no way!!!!) He also feels very tired, though psych said this is because his body is still going through umpteen physiological changes as it tries to heal itself on the inside. She says this is totally normal, but he won't hear of it.)

We feel as if everything we've achieved has been given a real kicking as ED tries to get control again and drag S back down to where he was.

It feels as if we're on an elastic lead and have plodded along the road almost at our destination when - ping! - the elastic pulls us right back to where we were a few months ago...


Thankfully the BIG DIFFERENCE between now and then are the cognitive changes. This is why I believe it will work this time round, if I'm given half the chance to get him to his WR level rather than settling for a sub-optimal weight level.

Interestingly, here's an updated weight chart that features 2010 and 2011 (omitting Sept 10 - March 11 because I don't have the data):

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