Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Top 20 Biggest Changes as a Mom in the last 9 months

Get set for the Top 20 Biggest Changes in my life over the past 9 months as the mom of a teenager successfully recovering from anorexia (in no particular order, as they're all wonderful!):
  1. No more heart-stopping dread-filled heart thuds as Ben makes a noise of some kind in the house
  2. No more stress at mealtimes and no need to distract Ben by talking about non-food topics
  3. No more curling up in a weeping ball somewhere in the house because I can't take any more
  4. No more canceling my freelancing work because of ED
  5. No more dreading it as I pick up Ben from school or the school bus
  6. No more hiding house keys so he can't go AWOL or watching him storm off, not knowing when or even if he will come back
  7. No more worries that he might harm himself in some way - or worse...
  8. No more worries about constantly having to "tread on eggshells" in case he flies off the handle or threatens to leave home
  9. No more heart-break as I see a pale, rings-round-eyes skeleton in place of my "strapping" sporty teenage son
  10. No more having to eat with Ben or having to check he's had sufficient food
  11. No more suspicions about why Ben's taking over-long in the kitchen with his plate, then checking in the trash bin to see what he's thrown away...
  12. No more eliminating the majority of food recipes from our repertoire because they contain "fear foods"
  13. No more wondering where the "real Ben" has gone when faced with what appears to be and sounds like some kind of demon from a horror movie like the Exorcist
  14. No more watching out for those almost unnoticeable body movements or facial expressions that mean ED is on its way to disrupt the evening / morning / meal / outing / etc / etc
  15. No more wishing we could see the CAMHS team every single day and finding it virtually impossible to wait until our next appointment, then clock-watching through the session to get as most out of it as possible
  16. No more horrible texts or phone calls from Ben at school of the "I can't go on / handle it any more" variety
  17. No more having to phone teachers, school nurse, etc to talk through Ben's latest mishap - and no more dreading it when "school" comes up on caller display on my phone (My thought: "What has he done this time...?")
  18. No more worrying that his pulse is dangerously low and this thing could actually kill him
  19. No more stressing out over family holidays
  20. No more stressing out while I cook a meal in case Ben comes into the kitchen and sees me put that slug of oil in the pan - and no more worries about the kind of recipes I choose

... and I am sure there are many, many more... like No more having to cancel outings with friends at the 11th hour... No more feeling I can't leave Ben in the house alone... No more trying to get into Ben's room but can't because he's forcing the door shut... No more worries about violence... etc etc...


  1. Yay for improvements :) I'm glad things are easier now than they were last year. It must be wonderful to see all your love and hard work paying off!

  2. Yes, especially as it started off as a "Top 10" but quickly expanded into a "Top 20" and could probably have been a "Top 30"!